Choosing You Read online

  “Nice party the other night,” he said, hoping it would break the ice and she’d say what she’d come to say.

  “You left early.”

  He motioned for her to take a seat at the center island. “I didn’t want to keep Roni out too late.”

  “Was that it?” she asked in her gravely pack-a-day voice. She no longer smoked but still sounded as if she did. “Or was it the woman you’ve been seeing?”

  He stared at her blankly.

  “Joey told me. Said you’re in love with her or at least you think you are.” She waited for him to respond and when he didn’t, she continued, “Ethan, you have a chance to put your family back together. A chance for Roni to have both her parents living under the same roof. I understood why you left. I even think it was good for Joey. You leaving and taking Roni was Joey’s rock bottom. It gave her the kick in the ass she needed to get into a program. To get clean. But Ethan she’s good now. She’s worked hard, she goes to her meetings, and she misses her baby. We all do.” She glared at him, a reminder that he’d moved Roni fifty miles away from her grandparents. “Before Joey had her problem, you two were good together. Happy. A team.”

  She took a sip of her coffee. “Think about Veronica. Think about what this is doing to her. You owe it to her to try again with Joey. Whatever you have with this other woman is nothing compared to your family. Family comes first, Ethan.”

  Her words stabbed at him. Since the dissolution of his marriage, guilt and shame were his constant companions. And his former mother-in-law had pushed his buttons, evoking all those emotions. But she’d also pissed him off.

  “Lou Ellen, I love you and Ace but with all due respect it isn’t your place to come here and tell me how to care for my family. Joey and I are divorced now and for good reason. Who I choose to see or care about is none of your business.”

  “I’m just telling you what your own mama would’ve, bless her soul.”

  Lou Ellen had never known his mother, who’d died when Ethan was still in college, before he’d met Joey. She had no idea what kind of advice his mother would’ve doled out. To be hurtful he could’ve told her what the rest of his family thought about the divorce and Joey but held his tongue. Lou Ellen was only doing what she thought was right.

  But this was between him and Joey.

  “And I would’ve told my mother the same thing” as he had with Alma numerous times. “I didn’t solicit your advice or your opinion. This is a private matter, Lou Ellen.”

  “Well, I beg to differ. Joey’s my daughter and Veronica is my granddaughter, which makes it a family matter.”

  “How about we agree to disagree?” It wasn’t worth making a federal case out of, though his ex-mother-in-law had a set of balls on her.

  “When is she leaving, Ethan? Because the sooner she does the sooner you can get your head on straight.”

  He assumed Lou Ellen meant Brynn. “Lou,” he clasped both her shoulders, “let me walk you out before we both say things we’re sorry for.”

  “Are you throwing me out?”

  “Of course not. You know you’re always welcome here.” He loved Lou Ellen, even if she was butting in where she didn’t belong. “But I think it’s wise if we both have a cooling off period.”

  He walked her to her car, opened the driver’s door, and waited for her to get in.

  She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. “I know you’ll do the right thing. You’re a good man. That’s why Joey loves you so much.”

  That was the thing. Joey wasn’t in love with him and he was no longer in love with Joey. To pretend differently was a lie. Still, everything Lou Ellen had said cut deep. He carried it around with him like a boulder on his shoulder the rest of the day.

  “What’s wrong?” Brynn asked as she rested her back against his chest on the sofa in the cottage. “You don’t seem yourself tonight.”

  He started to say there was nothing wrong. But one of the things he’d come to value in Brynn was that he could talk to her about anything. Really talk. They’d begun to tell each other things they didn’t share with anyone else. Her resentment for her late husband and her guilt over that resentment. His concerns about the toll his divorce would ultimately take on Veronica.

  “Lou Ellen, Joey’s mother, came to see me today.”

  “Is that unusual?” She twisted around to look at him. “I mean, I know you’re close with your ex in-laws.”

  “To a degree we’re close. I’ve always sensed some animosity over the fact that I sued Joey for full custody of Roni. On an intellectual level they knew their daughter wasn’t in a place to care for a four-year-old. At the same time, it was like a public flogging. The hearing, the lawyers, everything that came out in court. I wouldn’t have done it that way if I thought I had an alternative. But at the time, Joey wasn’t willing to accept, or at least admit, that her addiction made her a danger to our daughter. Still, I’m sure her parents thought it was an asshole move. And maybe it was.”

  “No, absolutely not. You were putting Roni first. That’s your job as a parent. Going to court was the only way to formalize it. I would’ve done the same exact thing. So, was that why Lou Ellen came, to complain about the custody arrangement?”

  Ethan blew out a breath, regretting that he’d gone down this road. “Yeah and to discuss a new one.” Nothing would be gained by telling Brynn the entire truth other than to put her in the middle of a situation that was not her doing.

  “How do you feel about Joey sharing custody?”

  “That it’s inevitable. Joey’s clean now, she’s a good mother, and Veronica needs her. There’s no reason that she shouldn’t have joint custody.”

  “Except that it would kill you.”

  He let out a wry laugh. “Unfortunately, that’s not a good legal argument. Nor is it fair to Roni, or Joey for that matter.”

  “I’m sorry, Ethan. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.”

  “It’ll work out.” He readjusted her in his arms, snuggling her closer against his chest. She fit there. And for a while he just held her, trying to memorize what absolute contentment felt like. “I wanted to talk to you about Henry.”

  Brynn’s breathing became shallow and she tensed. “No more bad news.”

  “I’ve been talking with other researchers about trying the stem cell procedure again.”

  She jerked in surprise. “You can do that?” She sat forward on the couch and turned to look at him. “I mean have you ever done it a second time?”

  “Not for my phase 4 clinical trial, no. But Cedars Sinai is doing similar work with adults. I talked to the doctor heading up their clinical trial and they’ve had some success repeating the procedure on patients with acute fractures. There’s no guarantee that Henry will improve. But it’s something worth talking about.”

  “What kind of success have they had a Cedars?” She was revved up and it worried him. Ethan didn’t want to give her false hope. It was just an idea.

  “A sixty-percent success rate the second time around. But Brynn these are adults, not juveniles. And in their cases, they didn’t even try a second round if they didn’t see some improvement the first try.” Henry’s situation was different.

  “But you think it’s a possibility, right?”

  “I do but with the caveat that it’s a long shot.”

  She steamrolled over his warning. “Do I need to get on your calendar?”

  “It wouldn’t be me, Brynn. I’d refer you to someone else who is working in the area of stem cells.”

  Her face fell. “Why? I thought you invented this procedure. I want you, Ethan.”

  Despite the impossibility of it, he was tempted to give in just to see hope bloom in her cheeks again. “The use of stem cell regeneration is being studied all over the country, Brynn. UC Davis is in clinical trials for adults and John Hopkins has its own experimental proce
dure. Mine doesn’t appear to be effective for Henry. Another might. I have a colleague at Yale who’s working with kids. Let’s see if we can get Henry in there.”

  The light went out of her blue eyes. Ethan felt it too. While there was still a slim chance for Henry to heal, the time in his trial was coming to an end.

  “How long until we throw in the towel on your study?” she asked, looking as desolate as the first day she’d met him at the hospital.

  “Two more weeks. If we don’t see marked improvement by then we can safely assume the treatment isn’t working.” By now there should’ve been significant progress in Henry’s healing but he kept that to himself.

  She bowed her head. “You’ll call your colleague?”

  “Brynn,” he wrapped his arms around her, feeling like he’d failed her. Failed Henry. “I’m sorry.”

  “No one’s blaming you, Ethan. You told me from the get-go that it was far from a sure thing. You told me that Henry was amazing just the way he is and you were right. You were absolutely right.”

  “Henry’s great, Brynn. The best son anyone could ask for.”

  Chapter 24

  It took a week. But as promised, Ethan finagled Henry a spot in the Yale trial. They had seven more days to soak up Nugget before catching a flight home. Seven more days to spend with Ethan.

  Then, they were scheduled to meet with their new surgeon in Connecticut. New Haven was close enough to Manhattan that they could commute to appointments most of the time. Soon, the life she knew in New York would resume, only this time she’d be going back to work full-time. To the business she loved. To the business she and Mason had nurtured.

  Her mother had offered to stay with Henry until Brynn could find reliable childcare. And before they knew it, autumn would be here and Henry would return to school.

  She should’ve been ready—anxious even—to get home, to immerse herself in her old routine and be surrounded by the sights and smells that she’d known her whole life. To see her friends again and meet at the same Sunday café for bagels and coffee.

  Normality at last.

  But the idea of leaving made her heart ache like there was something broken inside her. This place had been a salve for all she had lost eight months ago. And Ethan . . . she loved him with everything she had.

  God, how she would miss him.

  “Mom, someone’s at the door.”

  She hadn’t heard a car come down the driveway. For a second, she thought maybe Ethan had walked over but just as quickly remembered he had surgery today. She crossed the kitchen and swung open the door to find Donna, Maddy and Emily standing there with a big wicker hamper.

  “We come bearing goodies,” Donna said and pushed past Brynn, plopping the basket down on the counter.

  Maddy and Emily hung back, waiting for an invitation.

  “I hope it’s okay that we dropped in without calling first.” Maddy peeked past the door, looking for signs that they weren’t intruding on something private.

  Though Brynn and Ethan had tried to be discreet, she suspected there’d been plenty of speculation in town about their relationship.

  “Of course it is. Come in. I’ll make coffee.”

  “We thought you could use some friends.” Emily took over in the kitchen, setting three more places at the table.

  Henry asked if he could read in his room, eager to escape the oozing attention of four women. Lexi’s was about all he could take, though he hadn’t turned away Emily’s brownies.

  “First, do your worksheets. And no video games, Henry,” Brynn called to the retreating back of his wheelchair.

  She caught Donna’s pitying glance and knew her sympathy wasn’t about the forbidden video games. Would it always be like that? Sorrow for a boy who couldn’t walk when Henry was so much more than a pair of working legs.

  “Any changes?” Maddy asked and they all knew exactly what she was talking about.

  “No.” Brynn tried to smile. “But Ethan got Henry into a new trial. He thinks a second round might work this time.”

  “Well that’s promising.” Emily unpacked more of the homemade sweets from the basket and arranged the cookies and bars on a plate she found in the cupboard. “Will Ethan continue to oversee Henry’s care?”

  Brynn shook her head, afraid that they might see the pooling in her eyes. “There is a surgeon at Yale. She comes highly recommended by Ethan.”

  “Yale?” Donna broke off a piece of biscotti and dipped it in her coffee. “When?”

  “Soon. I’m leaving next week.”

  Maddy put down her cup mid sip and everyone at the table got quiet. “So soon?”

  “I’ve been here since February. And I have an ad agency to run.”

  “Ah, honey.” Donna gripped Brynn’s hand. “We’re going to miss you and that sweet boy of yours.”

  Not as much as she would miss them. This town and all of the people in it had filled the emptiness inside her.

  Griffin had reminded her that she wasn’t just a stay-at-home mom. The ad campaign she’d created for him was drawing attention already. Dana, Griffin’s real estate agent, was getting calls left and right for private showings.

  From the first day she and Henry moved into the cottage, Alma had been feeding them. Enchiladas, chile relleno, lasagna, mac and cheese.

  The women here taught her how to laugh again. How to celebrate all the good things in her life of which there were plenty. She’d always be thankful to them for bringing her into their warm and giving fold.

  Then there was Ethan.

  These last two months he’d been her shoulder, her sanity and her salvation. He’d been her best friend, an essential part of her being. Without him, she never would have learned to love again.

  The thought of giving up all that . . . well, it was impossible to fathom.

  “The good news,” she heard herself say, “is that you now have a friend to visit when you come to Manhattan.”

  They nodded and smiled, trying not to turn their visit into a somber goodbye.

  Still, she hadn’t even left yet and she missed them already.

  * * * *

  Roni had mentioned that Henry was going home soon. “To New York City,” she’d lisped through her two missing teeth. Joey was counting the days. Actually, the minutes.

  Once Brynn Barnes was out of the picture, Ethan would get over his infatuation with her and see what was right in front of him. Joey was sure of it. Her ex-husband was the most responsible man she knew. Faithful as Simba. And above all else, he was a family man. He’d do what was right. Joey never doubted that. This thing with Brynn was just a passing fancy. And the sooner she was gone, the sooner Ethan would return to his former loyal self.

  Joey turned into the parking lot at The Farm stand near the Circle D Ranch. She’d only learned about the adorable country store the other day from Roni, who’d walked the aisles, tasting the free samples like a regular. Apparently Ethan and Alma brought her to the store frequently enough that Roni and the owner had greeted each other with a big hug.

  The place had everything from wine and floral arrangements to fresh produce and deli meats. There was even a section with gift items: mason jar lights, jadeite batter bowls, wooden cake stands and seasonal wreaths.

  Last time, Joey noticed a wide array of jams, jellies and baked goods. Today, she’d decided to appeal to Ethan’s sweet tooth. They said the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. At this point, she was willing to try anything.

  A portable playpen sat in the corner of the store and a toddler with rosy red cheeks and a head full of hair stood inside, watching the owner stock shelves.

  “Hey there.”

  The woman turned around at the sound of Joey’s voice and beamed one of those smiles that lit up a room. “Roni’s mom. You’re back.”

  “I’m back.” Joey waved at the litt
le girl, who in return lifted her chubby hand in the air. “Your daughter?”

  “This is Emerson.” The woman lifted the child from the playpen. “Say hi to—”

  “Joey. Hi Emerson.”

  “I’m Annie,” the woman introduced herself.

  Joey couldn’t remember if they’d exchanged names last time.

  “Welcome to The Farm again, Joey. Can I help you find something? All the citrus is in season right now. We get it from an orchard in the Central Valley. The honey, kale and flowers are from my farm. The avocados are from down south. Mostly everything else comes from around here.”

  “I’m in the market for something sweet. Maybe one of the pies or some jam.”

  “I made most of the jam,” Annie said. “And the pies are fresh out of the oven from Emily McCreedy.”

  Joey assumed Emily was someone local. She followed Annie to a table stacked with white boxes filled with pies.

  “The apple crumb is to die for but all of them are amazing.”

  Joey perused the table, checking out the various flavors. Pecan, berry and a lemon meringue that looked tempting. Ethan loved coconut cream but Joey didn’t see any. Without it, she was at a loss for a second choice. Then it occurred to her that the only reason she knew about his coconut cream fixation was because it had been her favorite first. She’d introduced him to the pie when they’d started dating and it had become their special dessert.

  She mined the depths of her recollection for what his favorites had been before coconut cream had become their tradition. Nothing. As much as she tried, she couldn’t remember—or maybe she’d never known in the first place—whether he liked pecan or disliked lemon merengue. A wife should know something as simple as her husband’s taste in pastries, shouldn’t she?

  Upset by the revelation and not exactly sure why—it was pie for goodness sake, not a peanut allergy—she grabbed the apple crumb, paid at the counter, and said goodbye to Annie and Emerson.

  Ethan was home when she got there, staring outside the window as if it held the answers to world peace.