Choosing You Page 28

  “I brought an apple pie from that farm stand down the road. You like apple, right?”

  “Huh?” he grunted and seemed to snap out of whatever he’d been contemplating.

  “Apple pie. You like it, right?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, sure, who doesn’t like apple pie?”

  “But it’s not your favorite as far as fruit pies go?”

  Ethan leaned back in his chair and looked at her like perhaps he was missing something. Like maybe it was a trick question. “What’s your sudden obsession with pie? Cherry is my favorite, then probably peach. Apple’s good, though. It’s pie, you really can’t go wrong.”

  “Do you know what my favorite fruit pie is?”

  “Rhubarb.” He got up, took the box from her, and shook his head. “Are you okay, Joey?”

  “I’m fine,” she said but wondered why he’d known her favorite pie but she hadn’t known his. She told herself it was a small thing. Insignificant. “Where’s Roni?”

  “In her room. I don’t think she was expecting you.”

  Joey wasn’t sure if that was his veiled way of saying you should’ve called first. Lately, she’d been dropping in unannounced on weekdays. She didn’t have anywhere else to be other than to attend her meetings. The mail-order operator job was only a few hours a day. And seeing Roni kept her going, kept her from falling backwards.

  There was also Ethan. She’d thought being around him more might remind him of what they once had. Though when she searched deep for those good times, she mostly remembered the early days. The chase. Her catching the prize.

  For his part, he continued to treat her with polite indifference. Occasionally they’d laugh together over something Roni said or even reminisce about an old restaurant they used to haunt. But most of his interactions with her were as impersonal as business transactions. Are you taking Roni this weekend? Did you get my alimony check? Nothing from the board yet, huh?

  “Alma is having dinner with friends, which leaves Roni and me to fend for ourselves. I was thinking of throwing a tri-tip on the grill.” Ethan gave the pie a gentle shake. “You interested in joining us?”

  A month ago, the invitation might’ve given Joey hope. But it was plain to see he was just being courteous. She’d gotten here at dinnertime and had brought dessert. What was he supposed to do, tell her to wait outside until they finished eating? It was on the tip of her tongue to ask why he wasn’t busy with his girlfriend. But even as consumed as she was with their relationship, she wasn’t that juvenile. And she liked to think she still had some pride.

  “Sure,” she said. “Why don’t I make a salad?”

  “Sounds good.” He went back to gazing out the window.

  Joey wondered where he was today. “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah,” he mumbled but continued to stare off in the distance.

  “Mommy!” Veronica called from the top of the stairs, then ran down so fast Joey feared she’d fall.

  “Slow down, Roni.” She caught her daughter up in her arms and swung her around. At least someone was happy to see her.

  “Are you sleeping over?”

  “Not tonight, baby.” Joey snuck a peek at Ethan, who was watching them. He looked so torn, so guilt ridden, that her heart folded in half. “Want to help me make a salad and set the table?” she asked Roni.

  “I get to peel the cucumbers.” Roni ran to the kitchen, her ponytail bouncing against her back.

  Joey followed her daughter into the kitchen, leaving Ethan alone with whatever was eating him.

  Roni carried the meal with stories about school and a little boy who brought a pet frog to class. Ethan spent most of the evening nodding and pretending to be present. But he was somewhere else entirely. It could’ve been one of his medical cases. No one ever became immune to a child’s suffering. Not even doctors and nurses, who saw it all. But Joey suspected Ethan’s melancholy had nothing to do with work and everything to do with the beautiful brunette living down the hill.

  You’ll get over her, Ethan.

  After dinner, Joey gave Roni a bath while Ethan did the dishes.

  “Mommy can you move here? I know Geema and Geepa would be sad but we could visit them and they could stay here, too.”

  “Close your eyes, Roni.” Joey cradled Veronica’s head under the faucet to rinse her hair.

  “Can you, Mommy?”

  Joey let out a sigh. “Do you know how much I love you?”

  Roni lifted her head and held her arms wide. “This much.”

  Joey shook her head. “More. To the moon and back.”

  “I love you to infinity.” Roni hung over the tub and gave Joey a wet hug.

  Joey clung to her, savoring the sweet smell of Johnson’s Baby shampoo as a single tear streaked down her cheek. This was where she should be every night. Bathing and putting her girl to bed. Sleeping only a hallway away when her baby woke up in the middle of the night from a bad dream.

  This was the life she’d thrown away for pills.

  After tucking Roni in, Joey headed downstairs. It was so quiet she wondered if Ethan had stepped outside. She found him in his study, gazing blankly at a computer screen.

  “Are you sure everything is okay?”

  “Everything’s fine, Joey,” he said with an edge to his voice. It wasn’t anger just impatience. It was the same voice he’d use on a know-it-all resident who questioned Ethan’s diagnosis. Or an emergency room doc who wanted to clear a bed and tried to rush Ethan’s time with a patient.

  Still, she held up are arms in surrender. “You don’t have to bite my head off. I read Roni her bedtime story. She was asleep when I slipped out. I’m taking off.”

  Knowing he’d been short, his expression turned apologetic. “You sure you want to drive home this late?”

  She’d like to stay but it was obvious he was only inviting her to be chivalrous. “It’s not even nine yet. I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay, then let me walk you out.”

  He stood up and she took the opportunity to study him in his faded jeans and sweatshirt. When she’d still worked at the hospital the nurses would surreptitiously fan themselves as he walked by. It had always given her a thrill that he’d chosen her over all the others. He was still as good looking as the day she’d first met him, even with a little gray at his temples.

  Still, her heart didn’t race the way it used to. She blamed it on the distance he’d put between them. There was a time when all she had to do was crook her finger and he’d do anything to please her.

  They got to the front porch where the sweet smell of jasmine glided through the air like perfume. The night was mild, almost balmy. And a full moon cast a magical glow over the front yard, making it seem earlier than it was.

  Ethan brushed past her on his way to the stairs. Maybe it was having him so near or the way the evening filled her senses like the Sierra in springtime, but she latched onto his arm to swing him around, went up on tiptoes, flung her arms around his neck, and kissed him.

  He stood rigid, then tried to pull away. But Joey wouldn’t let him, pressing her body against his and plying his mouth with her lips until it awakened something inside him. Inside her. Until she proved she was the only woman for him and he was the only man for her.

  His lips were hard and ungiving. She ground against him, searching for the sweet spot, the spot that used to make both of them wild. In the old days, it hadn’t taken much. A touch, a look, even a whisper.

  But now . . . nothing.

  Suddenly, a pair of bright lights shined in their eyes and he pulled away, ruffled, putting more than an arm’s length of distance between them.

  “What the hell was that?” He looked at her, baffled, then quickly turned to see where the lights had come from.

  Brynn’s car sat in the driveway with the motor running. Ethan started to make his way down the stai
rs. But Brynn backed up her car and rocketed away as fast as she had appeared.

  Joey didn’t know how much Brynn had seen but it had been enough to make her leave in a hurry.

  Chapter 25

  “Brynn, open up. It wasn’t what you thought. Give me a chance to explain.”

  Ethan started to bang on the cottage door but Brynn opened it so fast he nearly fell in.

  “Shush, Henry’s asleep. We had dinner at Griffin’s. I stopped by to see if you could help me carry him in. But apparently you were busy.” It was said sarcastically but Brynn was hurt. She wouldn’t even look at him.

  He glanced at Brynn’s car. “You got him inside on your own?”

  She nodded and moved away from the entrance so he could come inside. Her bag and Henry’s jacket were piled on the countertop and other than the hallway light, the cottage was dark.

  “I can’t stay long. I need to get back to Roni. But what you saw . . . it wasn’t what you think.”

  “No, what was it then? Because from where I was sitting it looked like a kiss.”

  He wanted to tell her the truth, that it was Joey throwing herself at him. But he couldn’t embarrass his ex that way. “It was two people who used to care for each other, proving to themselves that what they once had is gone.”

  “Is it, though?” Brynn hung Henry’s jacket in the coat closet.

  “It was gone a long time ago, Brynn. It would be easier if it wasn’t, but it is.”

  She moved through the cottage, putting things away. Ethan got the sense she was trying to keep busy so she wouldn’t have to have a real conversation with him.

  “I’m sorry you saw what you saw. But it was nothing, Brynn. What Joey and I had is over. I’m in love with you.” It was the first time he’d said it aloud but he’d known it for weeks now. Since that first night in the barn.

  She stopped tidying the pillows on the sofa and looked at him, her bottom lip trembled. In that moment something changed, he could see it in her sad eyes. Resignation maybe. Or, she thought he was lying.

  “I love you, Brynn. Please believe me that nothing happened between Joey and me. That what you saw wasn’t what it seemed. I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I know,” she said her voice cracking. “You’re a good man and I believe you. But you owe it to yourself, to Roni and even to Joey to explore whether you could put the pieces back together. You’ve said it yourself that it would be easier if you could. It would be the best thing for your family. If Mason were still alive I would try too. If for nothing else for Henry. But only if reconciling makes you happy. You need to be happy, Ethan.”

  “You make me happy.”

  She sighed and wiped away a tear with the back of her hand. “I’m leaving, Ethan. I have a home on the other side of the country and a business to run. What you and I have . . . had . . . is something I’ll never forget. You taught me to love again. And wherever you are and whoever you’re with, know that I will always love you. But this is for the best. Try again with Joey. You loved her once, maybe you can love her again.”

  She got to her feet, went to the kitchen sink, and stared out the window into darkness.

  He started to join her, yearning to feel her in his arms to salve the sadness.

  “Go home, Ethan,” she said, her voice gentle. “Don’t leave Roni alone.”

  He hiked up the driveway, lost. Eviscerated. Everything Brynn said about her leaving, about Joey was the truth.

  But for once in his damned life he wanted to follow his heart not his damned sense of honor.

  * * * *

  Brynn believed everything she’d told Ethan, right down to her advice to work things out with his ex-wife. Despite the pain Joey’s addiction had caused, she was better now and trying hard to redeem herself. Anyone with eyes could see that.

  And Joey’s love for her daughter . . . well, that was uncontested.

  As a mother, Brynn’s sympathy for Joey was visceral. No good parent should ever be separated from their child.

  So why then did the idea of Ethan and Joey reuniting hurt so much? Just seeing them on the porch, wrapped in an embrace, had been like a dagger through her soul.

  But it would be selfish and coldhearted to stand in the way of a reconciliation, she told herself. Together, Ethan and Joey made a home.

  * * * *

  Joey desperately craved something to take the edge off. Her night had gone from bad to worse. Ethan had completely rejected her advance and had gone running to Brynn the second he’d realized his girlfriend had had a birds-eye view of their kiss. If you could even call it a kiss. It had been more like her mashing her lips against a concrete wall.

  Now Joey felt responsible for whatever happened between him and Brynn at the cottage, which was ironic. The whole point of the kiss was to remind Ethan of how hot they once were for each other, so he’d forget about Brynn.

  She started to head for the highway but changed her mind. One drink. Just one, she told herself. Her problem was pills, not alcohol. So what would be the harm in one vodka tonic?

  Her hands shook as she turned the wheel toward the Ponderosa. Hopefully the place was still open. Lord knew the rest of the town pulled up stakes after sunset.

  The neon light sign was on when she got there. A couple of men congregated on the sidewalk, near the door. She sat in her car, waiting for them to disperse before getting out. There was nothing rough looking about them. But after being held at gunpoint, she was more skittish these days.

  A big rig pulled up alongside her Ford, belching diesel. The brakes made a screeching sound as it came to a stop. Matthew McConaughey was at the wheel, a straw cowboy hat on his head and a day’s worth of scruff on his face. His load looked empty and she wondered if he was staying the night at the Lumber Baron on his way to the next stop.

  The men were still gathered around the door. One of them was telling a story, Joey could tell from his exaggerated hand gestures. She hopped out of her car anyway and watched as Matthew McConaughey alighted from his 18-wheeler. His brown suede cowboy boots stepped off the running board and a pair of long, denim encased legs followed.

  He tipped his hat and graced her with a grin that showed off those pearly whites. “Fancy meeting you here.”

  She moved in, took a fistful of his collar, flattened him against his trailer, and caught his mouth with hers. He tasted good, like coffee and man. And he felt even better. Big and strong and something else Joey couldn’t quite identify. Perhaps a little dangerous but at the same time safe. It didn’t make sense but she didn’t dwell on it. Instead, she closed her eyes and let him take her away.

  Unlike Ethan, he kissed her back, cradling the back of her head with his hands. He angled her face so he could take the kiss deeper, exploring her mouth with his tongue. The scent of his aftershave, or maybe it was just soap, drove her up.

  She moved closer, feeling the evidence of his arousal pressing against her. Long and hard. The hot pull of his mouth made her whimper. She could’ve sworn she heard him laugh but was too enthralled with his kiss to care.

  Even the chatter of the men outside the Ponderosa had faded into the background, their voices nothing more than a dull whisper.

  His hands moved down her sides and around to her back where his fingers reached her backside. His mouth, hot and hungry, continued to devour her. It was then that she realized that she didn’t even know his name.

  She started to ask him but his lips had moved to that sensitive spot behind her earlobe and she forgot her own name. He left a trail of kisses across her jaw and recaptured her mouth, his hands skimming the waistband of her jeans.

  If they weren’t careful they’d be arrested for indecent exposure.

  Somewhere in the distance a car backfired, the sound so jarring that they pulled apart. She immediately missed the warmth of his body and the intoxicating pull of his mouth.

  “I tho
ught you were married.” He cocked one booted foot against his rig and grinned in that slightly sarcastic way of his, giving her naked ring finger a scan for good measure.

  “I was.” She pressed her key fob to unlock the door. Five more seconds in his presence and she’d follow him to the Lumber Baron or any other place he wanted to go. How could she feel that kind of longing for a stranger and only a mild sensation of nostalgia with the father of her child?

  “Yeah?” He gave her a long appraisal. “What does that mean?”

  “It means that I’m not anymore.” With that she got in her car and drove away.

  She was halfway to Reno when she remembered she still didn’t know his name.

  Chapter 26

  The next morning Brynn called Zena and had her change their flight to Wednesday. Even though it was three days earlier than planned, it gave her forty-eight hours to pack. Prolonging her stay would only make saying goodbye that much more difficult. For her and Ethan. It was time for Brynn to put her life back together and for Ethan to figure out his own.

  “Mom, can we go the bookstore in Reno today?”

  “Sure. As soon as we’re done with your doctor’s appointment.” It was his last one with Ethan. When they got home, Henry had his first appointment with the new surgeon at Yale.

  She finished emptying the dishwasher and sat next to Henry on the sofa where he was playing with his smart watch. “I want to talk before we go.”

  He lifted his head and looked at her with big blue eyes. “Is it about my surgery? Because I don’t want another one.”

  She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “We’ve been over this, baby. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

  “What then?” He sounded mildly perturbed. She didn’t blame him. An eighth of his life had been spent in doctors’ offices and hospitals.

  “I’ve booked our flight for Wednesday.”

  “To go where?” He bowed his head over his watch again, finding it infinitely more interesting than having a conversation with his mother.

  “Home, to Manhattan.”

  His head jerked up. “Why? You said we weren’t leaving until Sunday. Dr. Ethan said I could ride Choo Choo this weekend. I don’t want to go, Mom. I like it here.”