Choosing You Read online

  “Are you even listening?” Lexi reached for the Margarita pitcher and filled her glass.

  “Uh-huh. He looked twenty years older than his Match picture.”

  “I told you that twenty minutes ago. I have since moved on to real estate. Am I that boring or are you pining away for Doctor Cowboy?”

  Brynn took a visual turn around the bar. Lots of well-heeled forty somethings, looking to hook up. The place in all its dark wood glory had been Lexi’s choice, not Brynn’s. She’d wanted to go to the new gastro pub on 70th but Lexi had called it a mom bar. Brynn wasn’t aware there were bars specifically for mothers. What she’d really wanted was a stiff drink in the comfort of her PJs, sacked out in her living room.

  But it was probably good to get out. For the last week she’d done nothing but work on the Ohm account, sulk and avoid the phone for fear she’d call Ethan, knowing that the sound of his voice would send her into a downward spiral. She never knew she could miss someone this much.

  “I’m distracted thinking about Henry’s recovery.” It was partly true. Brynn liked Henry’s new doctor but had more faith in Ethan. “It’s just a lot of change all at once.”

  It was clear from Lexi’s sympathetic expression she wasn’t buying it. “You think he went back to his ex-wife?”

  That’s what she’d told him he should do. So why then did the thought of Ethan and Joey reconciling make her stomach roil? Because she loved him, that’s why.

  “Do you?” Brynn dipped her finger into the salt on the rim of her glass.

  “You would know better. I only met the guy once. The ex, not at all. Does either of them have a Facebook page? We could look. Chances are if they’re together again there will be something on one of their pages. A change in their relationship status, a new profile picture of both of them together, something.” Lexi reached for her phone.

  Brynn put her hand over Lexi’s “Don’t.” Facebook wasn’t Ethan’s style. Brynn didn’t know about Joey but couldn’t bear to look.

  “So you’re just going to let it remain a mystery?”

  “Yeah. I think it’s best, don’t you?”

  “I doubt I could resist knowing. But if you can, yes, I think it’s better.” Lexi rocked her head from side to side in consideration. “Then again maybe it would help you get over him faster?”

  Nothing was going to help her get over him. Nothing.

  “Let’s not talk about this anymore.” The conversation was making her queasy. While she wanted all the happiness in the world for Ethan—and Roni—she wasn’t ready to embrace him moving on so quickly. She tried to remind herself that Joey had been first in Ethan’s life and was the mother of his child, just as Mason was the father of Brynn’s.

  Lexi leaned in and patted Brynn’s shoulder. “Is work a safe topic?”

  Brynn groaned. Returning to the Barnes Group had been anticlimactic. Rich and Layla had carried the company after Mason’s death without missing a beat. Now that Brynn was going into the office every day, she felt like an interloper.

  “It’ll take a while before I get into the swing of things,” she said, trying to sound positive. “Rich brought in a couple of new clients and I’m focusing on their campaigns. Even though what I should be doing is taking over the company’s operation.” But it was the creative side of the business that really appealed to her.

  “It’s only been a week, Brynn. You’ll be every bit the CEO that Mason was. You just need time to acclimate. What about Rich and Layla? Is that weird?”

  Of course it was weird. For the last eight years she’d stayed in the background while Mason, Rich and Layla ran the show. Now, she was their boss. “We go back a long way. We’ll work things out. I owe them so much for keeping things afloat while I dealt with the aftermath of the accident.”

  “They’ve been really loyal but it’s your company, Brynn. Make your mark.”

  That was the thing. Her mark was creating campaigns, making creative choices, not running a business. She’d come to understand that about herself in Nugget with Griffin and the Sierra Heights advertising campaign. Nothing had been done by committee or based on a bottom line. It had just been her and the client, doing what she loved. She wasn’t so naïve to believe a company the size of the Barnes Group could survive without committees and bottom lines. But the freedom to shed those confines had been heady.

  She sipped her Margarita, letting the Tequila burn the back of her throat. “I hope I have a mark to make.”

  “You do. I know you’ve been out of the game for a while but you’ve always been the greatest asset to the Barnes Group. It was your campaigns that put the company on the map.”

  “Thank you for saying that.” Sometimes Brynn wondered if anyone actually knew how important her role had been in those early days of building the firm. People tended to have short memories and it wasn’t as if Mason had been tooting her horn, even in the later years when she’d gotten the firm out of a few pickles with clients who’d been unhappy with their campaigns.

  Lexi leaned across the table so Brynn could hear her over the roar of the bar. “I know how talented you are, Brynn. Mason had nothing on you.”

  Brynn’s throat clogged. “I never told you this before, Lexi, but things were worse than I let on between Mason and me.” She paused to gather her words. “We put on a good act for our friends and family. But toward the end we barely spoke to each other.”

  “I kind of figured but didn’t want to say anything, which I know is shocking. Because like when have I ever shut my big mouth?”

  “You knew it was that bad?”

  “The shine between you two definitely showed signs of tarnish. But I wasn’t sure whether to attribute it to normal wear and tear on a marriage. Both of you were so busy—you with raising Henry and Mason with the agency—that I hoped you’d simply hit a valley in your relationship.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  Lexi shrugged. “I guess because you and Mason made me believe true love was possible and I didn’t want to burst my own bubble. Maybe it was selfish. But you didn’t seem to want to share. How awful was it?”

  “Not awful, just lonely. And sad. Somewhere along the line I realized that the only real connection besides Henry we’d ever shared was for advertising. Nothing else. But we had Henry and the business and the penthouse and our friends. And I settled, using a lot of the rationalizations you mentioned. I told myself that our marriage was merely suffering from a mid-life crisis and that when Henry got older we’d make more time for each other. That all relationships fall into a rut.”

  “I’m sorry, Brynn. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend. And I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Dr. Cowboy. How unfair is life that you meet the guy who knocks you off your feet and he’s already spoken for?”

  Heartbreakingly unfair.

  Though she wanted to down the entire pitcher of Margaritas and go home to have a good cry, she tried to be circumspect. “You know what they say. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

  Lexi pretended to gag.

  * * * *

  It was only eight when Brynn got home. She paid the babysitter, helped Henry get ready for bed, and went in the kitchen to make a cup of tea. The room was large and an ode to modern design. When they’d bought the penthouse the kitchen was a tight galley with nary enough cabinets for pots and pans, let alone dishware.

  During a massive remodel, she and Mason had blown out walls and expanded the kitchen with an eat-at center island that held a kid-height microwave and beverage fridge. One wall paid homage to Mason’s coffee fetish with a plumbed state-of-the-art built-in machine while another wall housed a six-burner Wolf range.

  Though Brynn wasn’t much of a cook, the kitchen became the heart of their home. As she gazed around it now, it felt sterile, like something in a model home designed to sell the idea of a luxuriou
s lifestyle.

  The one in the cottage, though tiny, brimmed with life during their stay in Nugget. Henry and Roni coloring at the breakfast bar while Brynn made hot cocoa. Her and Ethan sharing a conversation while waiting for the kettle to boil. Donna, Maddy and Emily crowding the room with a basket of baked goods.

  Lost in the memories, it took a moment for her to hear the buzzer. She glanced at the clock. By now, Lexi was home, likely tucked in bed with a good book. And it was too late for a visitor. It was probably just a reminder from the doorman that the elevator people were due tomorrow for their annual service. Brynn had already arranged to get Henry downstairs early.

  She pressed the intercom. “Hey, Al.”

  “Evening, Ms. Barnes. You have a Dr. Daniels here to see you.”

  “Here . . . as in the lobby?” She told herself she must’ve misunderstood.

  “Yes, Ma’am. Shall I send him up?”

  “Yes . . . yes, please,” she said, confused. What was Ethan doing here? When had he purchased a plane ticket? Her head spun with questions while her heart raced.

  There was only one reason he’d come on such short notice. Panic rose in her throat.

  By the time he stood in her doorway, clutching his Stetson in his hand, she knew. She knew with every bone in her body what he’d come to say. Joey. Her stomach lurched and she tried to steady her hands.

  He looked wretched. There were dark circles under his eyes, his face was unshaven and his clothes appeared to be slept in. And yet, he took her breath away. No man, not even Mason, had ever had that heart stopping effect on her. For a moment she just stood there, gaping.

  “This is a surprise,” she finally managed without throwing herself into his arms and pleading for him not to tell her. She wished him all the best. But she just didn’t want to know. Not now. Maybe not ever.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Of course.” She moved aside, trying hard not to touch him because if she did, she’d be lost. Broken.

  He stepped into the foyer, stared up at the steel and glass staircase and let out a low whistle. “Some place you’ve got here.”

  It wasn’t anything compared to the Circle D Ranch.

  “Thank you.” She held her breath and unable to take it any longer said, “What’s going on, Ethan?”

  “I was in the neighborhood.” As a joke it fell flat.

  Clearly, he was feeling as nervous as she was.

  “Where’s Henry?” He peeked around the corner, searching.

  She took his hat and placed it on the console table on its crown, like she’d seen him do so many times before. “He’s asleep.”

  Ethan glanced at his watch and looked sheepish. “I forgot the three-hour time difference. Came straight from the airport.” Bleary eyed, he shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. She’d never seen him look so tired. So depressed.

  “Come in.” She led him through the foyer to the great room where he stared out the window at the Manhattan skyline.

  “Great view.” He turned to her, then gazed back at the lights and skyscrapers. “I could use a drink.”

  Her heart sunk lower. Clearly, he needed liquor to get through this.

  “What would you like?” She moved to the bar in the living room and he followed her, perusing the options. The ordinariness of it, like she was entertaining a guest, felt surreal

  “The Bushmills,” he said.

  She reached for an old-fashioned glass. “Ice?”

  “Neat, please.”

  She poured him a generous two fingers and passed him the glass, amazed that she could keep her hands still.

  Unable to hold it any longer, she blurted, “You didn’t have to tell me in person, Ethan.”

  “No, how should’ve I told you?” He put the glass down on the bar and pulled her into his arms.

  “Don’t.” She tried to wriggle out of his embrace. “Please, don’t.”

  His expression went slack, then she saw dawning. “What did you think I came to say?”

  “That you and Joey—”

  “No,” he interrupted. “I told you I loved you, Brynn. Did you think that would go away the second you and Henry boarded a plane?”

  She sagged against him while she let go of the tension that had tightened around her chest like a tourniquet. “I thought you would try again with her. Are you telling me you’re not?”

  “This has nothing to do with Joey. I came here to try again with you.”

  She gazed up at him, struggling to comprehend what he was saying, loving him so much that she wanted to believe him with every drop of her being.

  He cupped her cheeks with his hands. “I love you, Brynn. I don’t want to let you go. Whatever we have to do . . . I just know I can’t be without you or else it’ll slowly kill me.”

  “I don’t want to let you go either.” She buried her face in his chest to hide her tears. “I love you so much, Ethan.”

  “Then let’s make this work.” He pulled her closer. “I need you.”

  She wanted to say yes so badly that her body ached with it. “What about Veronica . . . Joey? As much as I want this, I don’t want to be that woman . . . the woman who comes between you and your family.”

  He leaned down and touched her lips with his. It wasn’t quite a kiss but the tenderness of it undid her. “A wise woman told me not to settle. She said I deserved passion and desire, and something about heart-pounding love. That’s what I have with you, Brynn.”

  “Who was this wise woman?” She dragged him to the couch and snuggled next to him.

  His mouth slid up in a smile. “Joey.”

  Brynn did a double take. “Joey?”

  “Joey will always be a part of my life just like the memory of Mason will always be part of yours. But you’re the one I want to be with, Brynn. You’re the one I want to go to bed with every night and wake up to every morning. You’re the one I love.”

  She closed her eyes, letting the words sink in. You’re the one I love.

  “The question is how do we do this? How do we make this work if you and Henry are here and Roni and I are in California?”

  They sat there, just gazing into each other’s eyes, contemplating the complexities of their separate lives. Though it didn’t seem possible, she fell in love with him even more. And in that instant, she knew. She didn’t even have to think about it.

  “We’ll come to Nugget.”

  His eyes widened in what could only be described as surprise. “What about the Barnes Group?”

  “I don’t know yet.” This was all happening so fast that her head spun with possibilities. “I’ll work something out. I just know that I want . . . that I need . . . to be with you.” New York didn’t feel like her home anymore. Her home was wherever Ethan was.

  “Are you sure?” He cupped both sides of her face and in a soft voice said, “It’s a big ask.” He scrubbed his hand through his hair. “Hell, who am I kidding? It’s an impossible ask.”

  “Nothing is impossible.” He’d proven that by choosing her. “I’ll have to talk to Rich and Layla but I have some ideas.” Ideas that would allow her to work remotely, doing what she enjoyed most.

  She beamed, more certain about her decision than anything she’d ever felt before. And feeling so much love she could float on it and touch the sky without ever returning to earth.

  “You’d leave this?” He glanced around the room, then leveled his gaze at her. “Your company, your friends?”

  She took his hands in hers. “It’s not even a contest, Ethan. I choose you. It’s that simple. You. Every time.”

  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Unlike before, the kiss was not gentle. It was filled with yearning and need and sweet desperation. “You too,” he said against her mouth. “I choose you. Every time.”

  Epilogue

  “Mom, Ethan, watch.�
� Henry raced across the field on Choo Choo’s back, a lariat in his hand, chasing after a calf, which seemed more interested in eating grass than escaping.

  “Keep your circle tight,” Ethan shouted as Henry spun the lasso in the air. “Stay at the steer’s flank.”

  Henry tossed the rope, missing the calf’s head by a mile.

  “Good try, Henry.” Roni sat on the top rail of the corral, waving her hat in the air. “My turn now.”

  Henry rode up to the fence and Ethan helped him dismount. In a few months, there was a good chance he’d be able to do it himself. His bones had healed enough for him to use a walker and his wheelchair had been relegated to a closet. Both Ethan and Dr. Rothman had agreed to put the other stem cell procedure on hold as it appeared that slowly but surely Henry’s fractures were fusing together.

  One of his legs was slightly shorter than the other and more than likely he would always have a slight limp. But with physical therapy he’d be able to play sports and become a skilled horseman, his current obsession.

  He’d started Nugget Elementary School and came home every day with a funny story about one of his classmates or a teacher, or what they served in the cafeteria. Brynn was amazed that the transition had been so seamless.

  A smart man—a pediatric orthopedic surgeon no less—had once told her that children were resilient. Well, Henry had proven that theory beyond her wildest dreams. His appetite was back with a vengeance, his tummy aches were gone, and once a week he saw a grief counselor. She’d made sure to put pictures of Mason on his nightstand in his new bedroom.

  While Ethan could never replace Henry’s father, her son looked up to him like he’d hung the moon. Both Henry and Roni wanted to be wherever Ethan was. Whether it was down at the barn or curled up on the couch to read a book. Ethan’s endless patience never failed to astound her.

  Roni switched places with Henry on Choo Choo’s back. Ethan showed her how to keep her loop open and warned her not to go too fast. “Easy does it, bonny Roni.”

  She trotted up to the calf, who by this time was onto their game and not interested in playing along. Ethan jogged out to the calf and slapped its rump to give it a good head start on Roni. The calf trotted across the field and Roni caught up with it only to drop her lasso in the dirt and let out a loud curse.